Tips for Getting Along With Your MIL (Mother-In-Law)

isStart early to develop a relationship with your MIL.  Invite her to join you for lunch just to get acquainted and talk.   Meet at a comfortable restaurant and keep the conversation upbeat and explore neutral, non-controversial topics.  Start to be involved in family events and celebrations and make a point of offering to help and assist.  Everyone always appreciates a helping hand, and your MIL might be pleasantly surprised by your thoughtfulness.   That’s a great way to start building a good relationship.

At this point, it’s probably best to avoid any wedding planning talk and by all means stay out of family feud discussions.   Don’t let her draw you into this trap. If a topic or issue arises, just say that “I appreciate your sharing that and I hope that this situation can be worked out” or something like that.

Listen to her suggestions, if offered, and smile.  Just say, “That’s something to think about” and let it go or if you feel it’s a good idea, just acknowledge that.

No matter what, there can be no divided loyalties.  When you get married you are starting your own family and that is where you loyalty lies.  If touching issues arise set up boundaries and talk to her about it.  Elicit your future husband support – remember no divided loyalties.  And, no matter what, don’t criticize your spouse for his relationship with his mother.  After all that’s the first woman in his life.

Many couples struggle with mother-in-law issues, but handling it wrong can derail a good relationship between you and your husband. It’s up to both of you to find a way to make time with extended family as enjoyable as possible.

CAUTION AHEAD – Your New Mother-in-Law may be one these Four Types of MILs

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You have found love and are so excited to start planning your wedding.  This is the man you love and you would do anything for him – but this is also the beginning of a relationship with his mother!   In law problems are the basis for many, many movies and in the movies it can be funny, but in real life it’s a total different story.   This marriage might require a major adjustment for both you and your future husband and may be one of the toughest issues you may face.  The “other woman” in your man’s life is his mother, and it’s important to create good working relationships and set boundary right from the start.  Let’s discuss these four problem types.

First, there is the mother that believes your future husband will always be HER “baby”.   She always worries that he is working too much or that he is spending too much, or whatever!  She will call to tell him that the weather is bad and to be sure to take along a heavy coat or leave earlier to allow for bad weather.  When he gets sick she will be there checking on him every few hours.

Second – there is the “I Do It Better” MIL.   She is always critical of your cooking, or your taste in decorating.  Her intentions might be good, but her ideas are always better than yours!

The Third MIL is probably one of the worst – “The Involver”.   She goes beyond the “I Do it Better” to actually take over.  She might steamroll ahead with the wedding planning, pulling out her old “wedding gloves” (Yes, they use to wear gloves way back when!) that you just must wear, she will decide which linens for the banquet tables and on and on.  She will take charge and do things without your approval.

And finally, there is the “Not Interested” MIL.   She wishes to be no part of your life and wants nothing to do with you or your wedding.  No shared interest, no bonding time together.

What’s a woman to do!  Check back on our next blog post as we will discuss some tips and suggestions on dealing with these issues.

 

Mums the Word

Weddings are one of the most special occasions of a lifetime and when it comes time to share the excitement of the day, your mother will be right there.    Mothers many times play a big role in helping you plan your day, they are cheering you on and footing the bill, and many times just weeping tears of joy on your big day.   Enjoy these heartwarming photos of moms at real weddings.
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Keeping harmony – your relationship with your Mother as you plan your wedding.

Now that you have announced your coming nuptials, one of the things you should decide is what role or part will your Mother play in planning this wedding.   Some Mothers are “the” wedding planner, others are simply a participant, and then there is that role somewhere between the two opposites.    This discussion with your Mother early on in the wedding planning is extremely important, because you both need to understand and agree what part she will play in this wedding.   Some Mothers tend to be so excited and overzealous that they take over planning your wedding – a wedding that in no way resembles what you had in mind.  Putting the brakes on her can be an extremely delicate and sensitive task.  Hurt feelings are bound to occur in this situation.

Topics that should be covered include the Wedding Budget – who pays for what, who makes the final decisions regarding guest lists, venues, etc. and what tasks you would like for her to assist you with.

Bride with Mother of Bride